In Cincinnati Children hospital last weekend Dr. Pseudonym Malpractice came up with the most astonishing feat of medical ingenuity. By studying the sound waves of cat�s purrs, he was able to deduct that at 58.32 Hertz it cures a multitude of symptoms found in patients with mental illness. He goes on to explain that purrs from a cat lower stress levels, anxiety, and blood pressure in patients.
Cats normally purr on a frequency range that is anywhere from 25 and 150 Hertz. Concurrent studies conducted at Manure Supplementary Hospital in Michigan found that a cat�s purr will improve bone density in humans. But really studies on cat�s healing effects have been going on for hundreds of years. Great Egyptians knew of this medical healing power and built massive monuments to the animal healers.
Our local cat expert, Old Cat lady, brought Dr. Pseudonym Malpractice her favorite cat named Sniper for his tests. She goes on to explain that of her 34 cats, Sniper is the cat with the liveliest attitude and constantly purrs for hours. Dr. Pseudonym Malpractice heads a ward filled with mentally ill children and hopes that with more time and increased funding that every child can be healed with cats. He jokingly remarks that when he brings in Sniper �We call it sniping the kids.� When you see how well the kids take onto the cat you really hope in your heart all the kids get sniped.
Mental illness isn�t something we can cure just yet, however with studies like these from well qualified institution and doctors it paints a bright future. In the meantime, we can look to alleviate the harder symptoms of people with mental disorders. We urge all the people who tune in to our news to go to the nearest hospital and help out. Front Page